Resentment – Fourth Day Adventures

Let’s look at 1 Corinthians 13

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.⁵It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

A conviction hangs heavy on my heart. The negative aspects of this statement regarding Agape love hits dead on.

It keeps no record of wrongs? Love does not delight in evil.

In thinking about love, it becomes clear to me that before I can love others with Agape love I must learn to forgive.

Not superficial forgiveness–not just me saying it’s okay when you say you are sorry. But the type of forgiveness that does not keep score. The kind of forgiveness that does not plot subtle revenge. And this forgiveness is not just for the big things that happen, but the resentments I have collected over time. The ones where the perpetrator doesn’t even realize I am holding a grudge.

I must forgive people not just for harming me, but for hurting the ones I love. That is a lot harder. I must forgive them when they spread gossip and tell lies. And when they do not stop others who are gossiping and lying. I must forgive them when they verbally attack my friend. I must forgive them when they act mean and cruel. I must forgive them when they choose to turn a blind eye to what is wrong because they personally benefit. I must forgive them when I feel like they only friend me when they want something.

My thoughts about how to get even are wrong. When I believe I am fighting evil, but do not wish good for the person involved; then I am wrong. Their evil does not make it okay for me to wish them harm. I should not meet evil with evil. But even more than that, everything on my list above could be said about me at some point. My lack of forgiveness acts as a fertilizer to my unjust anger and the absence of love in my heart.

Look up forgiveness and an interesting lesson appears. Jesus discusses forgiveness in Matthew 6 in the mist of his teachings on not making a show of your righteous acts. Here is what he says:

Matthew 6

¹⁴For if you forgive people their trespasses [their^]reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

¹⁵But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.

God forgives us as we forgive others. Can you imagine reaching heaven and having God point out every time you failed Him? What if each time I fail HIm, the Lord said, “There you go again! I knew your weren’t really sorry or you wouldn’t keep doing it.” Or what if God, angry with me, plotted against me and not for me?

I want my sins to be forgiven and forgotten. I want them to be as far as the East is from the West. I don’t want them listed in the book of life. I want them erased and forgotten.

So how do you forgive? There seems to be two types of things here.

The small thoughtless slights. The pain that comes from being forgotten or betrayed. These I need to take to the Lord. I need to follow Christ’s example and ask God to forgive those who hurt me. I am more and more convinced you cannot wish harm for someone if you are asking God to intervene and to help. So in these situations, I think you have to say to God “Forgive them they know not what they do” Ask God to take the pain from you or to allow you to grow from the pain. I don’t think this can be a general thing. I think it has to be a very specific thing. God I am feeling resentment against Joe and I ask you to forgive Joe for this sin and I ask you to forgive me for these feelings. Please take them from me.

The second type of harm is more deliberate and harmful. People making up lies. People gossiping. People attacking someone who cannot defend themselves. People stealing. People breaking vows. People plotting to harm another.

Galatians 6
6 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

When we see a fellow Christian hurting others, we must take steps to restore them. But it should only occur after prayer. And before dealing with another person, be sure you have looked at your own life and dealt with similar sin.

Then you can approach the person who causing harm. As you go to them, your first concern is for the people involved. The person who is at fault and the person being harmed.

Today I am specifically asking God to forgive me for my unforgiveness. I am praying for each resentment I hold and for each person I resent. I am asking God to prune my tendency to hold grudges so I may learn to love in the spirit.

The words “do not seek their own” or selfish hung over me all day. They convicted me. I felt the Holy Spirit saying don’t move on. This one is a biggie for you. I love to help others. But I have realized that I have expectations. I grow a little bitter and resentful if those I help don’t live up to my expectations.

I started thinking about those embers of resentment, the anger and even the hurt feelings that grow just under the surface. They fester in my mind. I care about the person, but a hedge grows.

Let me explain.

Those times when you feel pressured to give money to a friend. They tell you their health is failing and ask for help with their bills because they are paying for medical. You know you don’t have it to give, but you can’t leave the family hurting. You charge it on a credit card or you empty the coin jar to find the money to help. Then a few weeks later you see them driving a new “used” car that didn’t come cheap.

Resentment grows.

Or on a lesser front. You are there for your friend. They say they need you and there you are. You care and you try to be there. Then you want them to help you. Just be there for your or to work on a project with you. Suddenly, they can’t do it. They are busy or not interested. They decide to not be their for you.

I step into situations not meaning for it to be about me, but then later I realize I had expectations. I expected them to not waste money after asking me for help. I expect them to be there for me if I have been there for them.

The ‘I expect’ is the problem. Agape, I expect, should not have the selfishness of ‘I expect’ connected to the love. The I expect is selfish.

I don’t believe you have to be a doormat. I mean Jesus doesn’t give us everything we want. And when we don’t handle what he gives appropriately, God does not give us more. But God cares about us even in the limitations. My expects are not about the other person. It is not about setting boundries. It is about why are you not living up to my expectations.

I spent the day thinking about this issue.

I am like Paul in Romans 7. ” For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” I want to be the person who loves without seeking self, but the reality is I am selfish and expect specific behavior when I give to others, or care for others, or do for others.

The one who has never let me down is Jesus. I love Jesus because He first loved me. He sought me when I was not looking for Him. When I messed up, He brought me back. He walks with me and cares for me. Jesus loves me. Jesus gives to me. All I have is His.

Today, I realized to love with Agape, I have to love others as if they are Jesus. If He wants me to care for someone, then it does not matter what they do, because Jesus always meets my expectations. Maybe it is not totally selfless. I mean I am loving Jesus because He loves me. I am loving the other person because Jesus first loved me.

Matthew 25:³⁷Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

³⁸When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

³⁹Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

⁴⁰And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

For me, the only way to love with Agape love which does not self seek is to see Jesus in them. To ask Jesus what I should do, and then any thing I do for my friends, my neighbors, the strangers who pass through my life is my gift to Christ. I owe Him everything. I want to give Him my all.

In addition, at this moment, any ill feelings I am harboring in the back of my mind for people who have not lived up to my standards have to be let go. I forgive them any slight they may have done me. I need so much forgiveness from God and from others in my life. I want mercy.

Matthew 6:¹⁵But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Tag: Resentment

Forgiveness

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