Let’s look at 1 Corinthians 13

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

A conviction hangs heavy on my heart.  The negative aspects of this statement regarding Agape love hits dead on.

It keeps no record of wrongs?  Love does not delight in evil.

In thinking about love, it becomes clear to me that before I can love others with Agape love I must learn to forgive.

Not superficial forgiveness–not just me saying it’s okay when you say you are sorry.  But the type of forgiveness that does not keep score.  The kind of forgiveness that does not plot subtle revenge.  And this forgiveness is not just for the big things that happen, but the resentments I have collected over time.  The ones where the perpetrator doesn’t even realize I am holding a grudge.

I must forgive people not just for harming me, but for hurting the ones I love.  That is a lot harder.  I must forgive them when they spread gossip and tell lies.  And when they do not stop others who are gossiping and lying.  I must forgive them when they verbally attack my friend.  I must forgive them when they act mean and cruel.  I must forgive them when they choose to turn a blind eye to what is wrong because they personally benefit.  I must forgive them when I feel like they only friend me when they want something.

My thoughts about how to get even are wrong.  When I believe I am fighting evil, but do not wish good for the person involved; then I am wrong.  Their evil does not make it okay for me to wish them harm.  I should not meet evil with evil.  But even more than that, everything on my list above could be said about me at some point.  My lack of forgiveness acts as a fertilizer to my unjust anger and the absence of love in my heart.

Look up forgiveness and an interesting lesson appears.  Jesus discusses forgiveness in Matthew 6 in the mist of his teachings on not making a show of your righteous acts.  Here is what he says:

Matthew 6

¹⁴ For if you forgive people their trespasses [their^]reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.

God forgives us as we forgive others.  Can you imagine reaching heaven and having God point out every time you failed Him?  What if each time I fail HIm, the Lord said, “There you go again!  I knew your weren’t really sorry or you wouldn’t keep doing it.”  Or what if God, angry with me, plotted against me and not for me?

I want my sins to be forgiven and forgotten.  I want them to be as far as the East is from the West.  I don’t want them listed in the book of life.  I want them erased and forgotten.

So how do you forgive?  There seems to be two types of things here.

The small thoughtless slights.  The pain that comes from being forgotten or betrayed.  These I need to take to the Lord.  I need to follow Christ’s example and ask God to forgive those who hurt me.  I am more and more convinced you cannot wish harm for someone if you are asking God to intervene and to help.  So in these situations, I think you have to say to God “Forgive them they know not what they do”  Ask God to take the pain from you or to allow you to grow from the pain.  I don’t think this can be a general thing.  I think it has to be a very specific thing.  God I am feeling resentment against Joe and I ask you to forgive Joe for this sin and I ask you to forgive me for these feelings. Please take them from me.

The second type of harm is more deliberate and harmful.  People making up lies.  People gossiping.  People attacking someone who cannot defend themselves.  People stealing.  People breaking vows. People plotting to harm another.

Galatians 6
6 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

When we see a fellow Christian hurting others, we must take steps to restore them.  But it should only occur after prayer.  And before dealing with another person, be sure you have looked at your own life and dealt with similar sin.

Then you can approach the person who causing harm.   As you go to them, your first concern is for the people involved.  The person who is at fault and the person being harmed.

Today I am specifically asking God to forgive me for my unforgiveness.  I am praying for each resentment I hold and for each person I resent.  I am asking God to prune my tendency to hold grudges so I may learn to love in the spirit.