Tears and thoughts of u-turning my car into oncoming traffic filled my afternoons.  I awoke each morning determined to not allow my pain to over take me again.  By noon, I always failed.  Months and months passed and the internal pain did not ease.

That year in many ways represents the point that separates my life into two major divisions.

Prior to this moment,  I knew Christ as my savior and I knew right from wrong.   But my life was more about me. What I wanted mattered.  What God wanted not so much.   My mantra was “God would want me happy” and it justified anything I wanted to do.

The pain I felt in this year had nothing to do with being punished by God.  The overwhelming depression came as a result of natural consequences.  The chickens came home to roost.

And at this moment, I realized I had ran…